


The One Where Its True

by Sonny_Westbrooks



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Dark, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Letters, Other, Suicide, Suicide Notes, The Letters of Connor Murphy, The Letters of Evan Hansen, The chapter count may not stay as 10 but actually go down depending on how fast this goes, Trust me this will get angsty as it moves on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-22 06:46:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11374785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonny_Westbrooks/pseuds/Sonny_Westbrooks
Summary: In which Evan Hansen and Connor Murphy knew each other even before senior year and did write letters to each other.Or more importantly, to themselves.





	1. Evan: Today is going to be a good day

_ Dear Evan Hansen. Today is going to be a good day and here’s why! _ __  
__  
_ Today I actually managed to chat a little with Connor again. We lost contact with each other a little but thats okay, we started to email again. He started to vent about how hes been struggling with smoking again and...while I do worry, at least hes a little okay. We decided we’re going to meet up at the orchard later which would be really nice.  _ __  
__  
_ You need to get out of the house a lot more Evan Hansen. Remember what mom said? And Dr.Sherman? Its not healthy to stay inside so much.  _ __  
__  
_ You’ve never been to the orchard before, but Connor says it looks nice and is one of his favorite places so maybe it will be a good trip. Hopefully he doesn’t forget to pick me up though...hes done that before. _ __  
__  
_ Well I guess I better get ready before he gets here. Heres hoping hes in an okay mood. _ __  
_  
_ __ Sincerely, you’re best friend, Evan Hansen.


	2. Connor:  Today and this week in general wasn't good at all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You still have to write that letter for Evan

_Dear Murphy,_ _  
_ _  
Today and this week in general wasn't good at all. I don't understand how Evan is able to start letters with 'Today is going to be a good day and heres why' because we both know its a total lie and its never a good day or a good week or month or year...you're never good either.  
  
Why does Evan even like hanging out with you?  
  
_ _Look. Its not your fault Evan fell out of that tree and snapped his arm. God he...he was so high up...he was...look just don’t think about that. Evan should be okay right? They said he only broke his arm and bruised himself. He’ll be out of the hospital tomorrow its-  
_ _  
_ _You put Evan in such danger Murphy. I don’t know what you did to get him to be your friend but you really don’t deserve a friend like him. You know you’re going to have to bring the subject up with him later. Talk to him about what he’d tried out there at the orchard...how he attempted to...how the branch broke instead while you...before..._ _  
_ _  
_ _…_ _  
_ _  
_ _Well other than that everything before that issue was uhm..calming? It was calming. It still sucks we have to keep our entire friendship a secret but I think its for the best seeing as I only have a couple days left. Four I think? If the plan goes right...hopefully the plan goes write._ _  
_ _  
_ _You still have to write that letter for Evan._ _  
_ _  
_ _Yours,_ _  
_ ~~_Con_ _  
_ ~~_~~Murp-~~ _ _  
_ _…_   
Connor


	3. Evan: Try to think happy thoughts, if possible, Evan Hansen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How am I meant to be positive when I spent the last two days in a claustrophobic hospital and have a cast on my arm from falling out of a tree after trying to…

_Dear Evan Hansen,_  
 _Today is going to be a good day and heres why?_  
  
_I fell out of a tree a few days ago. Two maybe? Connor was so worried he...he started crying and saying it would be okay. He knew what I was doing a-and stopped me and I just...I..the branch broke when I tried to climb back down._  
  
_I hope he understands._  
 _I hope he doesn’t think its his fault._  
 _...I hope I didn’t lose one of my two friends._  
  
_Is Connor even my friend?...Is Jared my friend? I wouldn’t be that surprised if neither of them were and they were both only pretending to be my friend. Remember Jared always says hes a family friend and theres a difference. I guess the difference is that family friends forget to contact you and enjoy time without the burden of you being around._  
  
_…_  
  
_I can’t turn this letter in to Dr.Sherman he wouldn’t like it and only tell me that these are meant to be positive._  
  
_How am I meant to be positive when I spent the last two days in a claustrophobic hospital and have a cast on my arm from falling out of a tree after trying to…_  
  
_…_  
  
_Dear Evan Hansen,_  
 _Today is going to be a good day and heres why!_  
  
_Because today you got to feel the air on your skin again. You like the feel of air remember? And you got to see the nature as mom drove you home. The green of the trees is so dark and pleasing.  There weren’t many clouds in the sky but the ones that were there were a nice soft white. How clouds should be._  
  
_You contacted Jared today. He didn’t answer you but maybe hes just busy with camp or something and he can’t get to his phone or doesn’t have any service. Or maybe hes just...ignoring you…._  
  
_Is he?_  
  
_Damn it I’m ruining the letter again. I just...I should end it here before it gets any worse._  
 _Before I ruin everything._  
  
_Try to think happy thoughts, if possible, Evan Hansen._  
  
_Sincerely,_  
 _Possibly your only friend._  
 _Yourself._


	4. Connor: Whats mine is yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Evan? Take care of yourself okay? Don’t blame yourself for whats going to happen to me. Its not your fault. Its my own for not trying hard enough I guess...I’m sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: THIS CHAPTER COVERS HEAVY TOPICS AND IS BASICALLY A SUICIDE NOTE  
> SO BE SAFE KIDS

_Dear Evan Hansen,_  
  
_...I’m sorry._  
  
_I don’t uh..don’t know how to write letters like this. I didn’t think it would ever come to the situation where I would have to write letters like this. But after what time we spent writing letters to each other and the time we spent together I think its best I write this letter to you and only you. Not like anyone else would care for one anyways._  
  
_So here it is. This isn’t your fault Evan, none of it was ever your fault. I would say I’m sorry for stopping you from committing that day but I think that you really have a better chance in the world than I do currently. You have your mom, Jared, Zoe and maybe Alana who all care and worry about you. You can’t just leave them behind like that._  
  
_As for me? I don’t really have anyone. My dad hates me, my mom only acts like she cares and while I’ve tried to make it up to Zoe she never really listens to me so whats the point of continuing on right?_  
  
_I’m glad to have been your friend for the years that have past even if it was only a secret friendship because we both feared what others would think. And I’m glad to know that you will live on and grow and maybe even get better._  
  
_Not completely better, but better enough to maybe function on your own a little and trust that you will be okay._  
  
_I don’t really know what else to say? I guess what I can say is that anything that is mine is left to you if you want it. I don’t want any family touching anything till you go through and take what you want if you would want to do that. Its a little cruel saying that, but its true. If you ever need anything to remember me by, though I doubt you’ll remember me after a couple years, then you can just...look through the stuff you’ve chosen to take or something I don’t know._

  
 _Another thing I want to tell you is not to let Jared continue to treat you like shit. I worry about you ya know? I know he only does it to feel better about himself and hide his insecurity, but he shouldn’t be taking it out on you like he does. Maybe you should try and talk to him about it? See if he can admit anything? I don’t know, just whatever it is make him stop._  
  
_Could you also let Zoe know that I was trying? I was really trying to get better for her. I wanted her to see that. She never did but...but it would be good that she knew I was. I...I know I fucked up with her, I fucked up my entire family's relationship, but Zoe knowing that I was trying I guess makes me feel only slightly better._  
_  
_ _And Evan? Take care of yourself okay? Don’t blame yourself for whats going to happen to me. Its not your fault. Its my own for not trying hard enough I guess...I’m sorry._ _  
_ _  
_ _Sincerely,_   
Connor.


	5. Evan: I can't forgive you. Not yet.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry Connor I just….I’m so sorry I didn’t see sooner.  
> I’m sorry.

_ Dear Connor Murphy, _ __  
__  
_ People at school won’t stop staring at me. You’re parents they...they came to me today...in the office. I thought I was in trouble and… _ __  
_ And I knew I hadn’t seen you these past few days and you didn’t message me but...but I- _ __  
__  
_ … _ __  
__  
_ I never thought you would ever do anything like that. I never thought that… _ __  
_ I never… _ __  
__  
_ I can’t forgive you. Not yet. _ __  
__  
_ I’m sorry Connor I just...I’m so sorry I didn’t see sooner. _ __  
_ I’m sorry. _ __  
__  
_ Sincerely, _ _  
_ __ Evan Hansen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its just going to go downhill before it goes up again.  
> My tumblr is Bi-Evan  
> Scream.

**Author's Note:**

> Please Note this will go between Connor and Evan letters and only be written in letters.  
> I will say in the title of the chapter what character it is but its should be obvious with how the letter starts.
> 
> If you would like to talk more of this AU you can hit me up @Bi-Evan on tumblr.  
> Evan will have more letters than Connor, you will soon see why.  
> The letters will get longer as it goes on but the fic will be incredibly short.
> 
> Enjoy.


End file.
